Finding Your Place in the Pride Movement: How to be a Good LGBTQ+ Ally
Being an ally is critical to helping the LGBTQ+ community. Of course, it is more than marvelous Pride Days. Dive into LGBTQ+ awareness and education for allies so you can make a difference.
Here is your guide on how to be a good LGBTQ+ ally.
Table of Contents
Critical Moments in Pride History
Challenges Facing the LGBTQ+ Community
Your Place in the Pride Movement
Tips for Being a Supportive LGBTQ+ Ally
Critical Moments in Pride History
People have always worked to make a difference for those who identify as LGBTQ+. Here, I’ll explore the critical moments in Pride history and the activists that ignited the movement.
One turning point in the movement was the 1969 Stonewall Uprising. Police raids on a New York City bar frequented by transgender women of color sparked days of protests. The Stonewall Uprising energized the fight against homophobia, transphobia, and racism.
Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, both Stonewall veterans, founded STAR (Street Transvestites Action Revolutionaries) to provide support and housing for homeless LGBTQ+ youth and sex workers.
Harvey Milk, the first openly gay elected official in California, paved the way for greater LGBTQ+ political representation.
And, of course, the 2015 Marriage Equality Act was a watershed moment, legalizing same-sex marriage in the US.
I highlighted several passionate and talented activists, but it is essential to realize that the movement had many people making a difference in many ways.
While Stonewall became well known due to the media coverage and the subsequent annual Pride traditions, it was a culmination of years of LGBTQ+ activism. Historians have noted that the shift in activism, if Stonewall truly represented one at all, was a shift primarily for white cisgender people, as people of color and gender non-conforming people never truly had the benefit of concealing their marginalized identities. — Library of Congress LGBTQIA+ Studies: A Resource Guide
Another example of collective action is the sum of many people’s efforts that provided the momentum to pass the Marriage Equality Act. You can learn more about movements in my post Another Brick In The Wall: How Individuals Can Contribute to Social Change Movements.
LGBTQ+ Activism Topics: Challenges Facing the LGBTQ+ Community
Although the LGBTQ+ movement has made strides toward equality and acceptance, numerous challenges still exist. These LGBTQ+ activism topics impact a diverse range of people, including lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and other non-binary individuals. Young people are particularly vulnerable to mental health challenges and bullying due to stigma and discrimination.
It isn’t easy to count the number of LGBTQ+ individuals because stigma causes a fear of disclosure. Also, people may identify with multiple identities. But in a 2023 Gallup poll, 16% of American adults (about 53 million people) identify as LGBTQ+.
Families and allies who speak out are also impacted by discrimination and stigma.
The magnitude of the impact means it is essential to know how to be a good LGBTQ+ ally.
Anti-LGBTQ+ Legislation
An important LGBTQ+ activism topic is anti-LGBTQ+ legislation. Under the guise of religious freedom, parental rights, or public safety, these laws often target specific groups within the LGBTQ+ community, restricting their rights and erasing their identities.
Many laws restrict transgender and non-binary healthcare access, limit bathroom usage, and ban participation in sports. Anti-transgender legislation and policies continue to be introduced and passed (34 states introduced or passed anti-transgender legislation in 2022.) Additionally, the lack of federal LGBTQ+ non-discrimination protections leaves individuals vulnerable to discrimination.
Educational gag orders and “Don’t Say Gay” bills erase LGBTQ+ representation from classrooms, impacting LGBTQ+ youth. Some legislation proposes denying same-sex couples the right to marry or adopt children. Another target of legislation is allowing businesses to deny services to LGBTQ+ individuals.
The ripple effect of these laws is a normalization of prejudice.
Stigma, Mental Health, and Well-being
Trish Lockard, my coauthor for Make a Difference with Mental Health Activism, wrote a blog post about the stigma of mental illness. She provided a unique example of stigma: If you break your leg, your neighbors bring over a casserole. But if you get a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, no casserole for you.
LGBTQ+ individuals face a double whammy of stigma. First, the stigma of being LGBTQ+ and then the stigma of the resulting mental health challenges. They report high rates of anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. The Trevor Project reported that 45% of LGBTQ+ youth considered suicide in 2022.
Fighting stigma is one primary focus of LGBT activism. If we eliminate the stigma of being LGBTQ+ and the resulting well-being challenges, we can make a huge impact.
Discrimination
LGBTQ+ individuals experience discrimination in many forms, including in the workplace, housing market, and healthcare.
A 2021 study by the Center for American Progress found that 42% of transgender and non-binary people have experienced discrimination in housing, and 32% have experienced discrimination in employment. And 29% of LGBTQ+ adults have experienced discrimination in healthcare, including a lack of LGBTQ+-competent providers and insurance coverage limitations. Only 18% of states have laws that protect transgender people from discrimination in healthcare.
Bullying, Harassment, and Violence
Stigma and discrimination are terrible, but bullying, harassment, and violence also plague the LGBTQ+ community.
Even as visibility and acceptance grow, LGBTQ+ individuals still face bullying, harassment, and violence. In the US, 52% of LGBTQ+ youth report verbal bullying, 23% physical bullying, and 20% sexual harassment at school. Transgender and non-binary individuals face even greater risks, with 30% experiencing physical violence.
LGBTQ+ individuals who experience bullying have higher rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide attempts. A 2022 report by the National Center for Transgender Equality found that 58% of transgender people have experienced at least one form of harassment in the past year. The FBI reports hate crimes against LGBTQ+ individuals rose by 21% in 2021, with transgender and non-binary individuals disproportionately affected.
Intersectionality
Individuals within the community face unique challenges based on their intersecting identities, such as race, class, and disability. For example, LGBTQ+ people of color experience higher rates of discrimination and violence compared to their white counterparts.
Watch Intersectionality 101, a 3-minute video explaining the concept of intersectionality.
The LGBTQ+ movement still faces significant challenges. By understanding these LGBTQ+ activism topics, you can be a better LGBTQ+ ally.
Your Place in the Movement: How to Help the LGBTQ+ Community
How can you help the LGBTQ+ community?
I advise any new activist not to jump straight into activism, even though your concern and anger may drive you to take immediate action.
Instead, take time on the research-based 5-Step Activism Path.
- Focus your passion and find the cause closest to your heart among the myriad of causes.
- Match your skills with the type of activism work that best suits you.
- Find an activism opportunity that works for your life.
- Determine if your social justice work truly makes an impact.
- Stay motivated in your activism for the long term.
By taking a thoughtful journey first, you can find the right way to make change. One that works for the way you live your life. And you’ll be more effective and motivated.
How can you help the LGBTQ+ community if this is the cause closest to your heart? Engagement in your cause means you can dive deep, using your best skills and a motivating method. Deep engagement might look like creating resources for teachers of LGBT+ students or creative activism, such as writing poetry about LGBT+ activism topics.
If a different cause is closest to your heart, you can still help the LGBTQ+ community by mobilizing. This might look like showing up for protests and calling your elected representatives on LGBTQ+ activism topics.
Whether you are engaging or mobilizing, take time to educate yourself. I’ve included a resource guide at the end of this post.
Tips for Being a Supportive LGBTQ+ Ally
There are many everyday actions for LGBTQ+ allyship. Try these tips for being a supportive LGBTQ+ ally.
How to be a Good LGBTQ+ Ally: Check Your Privilege
One of the best everyday actions for LGBTQ+ allyship is to check your privilege. Dr. Peggy McIntosh, who first researched privilege, described it as
“an invisible weightless knapsack of special provisions, maps, passports, codebooks, visas, clothes, tools, and blank checks.”
These extra tools allow those with privilege an easier passage through life even though we didn’t do anything to earn it.
Try the “How Privileged Are You?” quiz at BuzzFeed.
Understanding your privilege is important because if you are not a member of a marginalized identity, such as being LGBTQ+, your privilege may get in the way of being a good ally. For example, a straight person should step aside and allow affected voices to speak. And even those people who care deeply let privilege get in the way. Read about how a magazine article caused a controversy in Listen to Trans People When They Speak Their Truth.
Challenge LGBTQ+ Stereotypes and Prejudice
Challenging LGBTQ+ stereotypes and prejudice is another everyday action for LGBTQ+ allyship.
Using LGBTQ+ inclusive language as an ally
Choosing the right words matters. Using LGBTQ+ inclusive language as an ally allows everyone to feel seen, respected, and valued. One example of LGBTQ+ inclusive language is pronoun etiquette. Instead of making assumptions, ask a person how they prefer to be addressed. Consider introducing yourself with your pronouns. And challenge homophobic and transphobic language.
Avoid harmful stereotypes and microaggressions
Stereotypes and microaggressions adversely impact the well-being of LGBTQ+ individuals. Stereotypes such as ‘transgender people have a mental illness’ perpetuate stigma and discrimination. Microaggressions, seemingly harmless comments or actions that, under the surface, are a message of exclusion, are also damaging. Even something like assuming everyone is straight undermines the LGBTQ+ community.
Avoiding these stereotypes and microaggressions requires conscious effort.
- Use pronoun etiquette.
- Avoid generalizations.
- Listen when someone speaks up about what feels hurtful and learn from their experiences.
- Acknowledge your mistakes.
- Educate yourself.
Avoiding harmful stereotypes and addressing microaggressions with empathy and respect builds inclusion.
Challenge stereotypes and microaggressions
Avoiding these stereotypes and microaggressions is an excellent start, but challenging homophobic and transphobic language is another everyday action for LGBTQ+ allyship.
One of my favorite resources is Sam Killerman’s It’s Pronounced Metrosexual: Gender, Sexuality & Social Justice. To challenge homophobic and transphobic language, he recommends the following steps (which he presents in cartoon form!)
- Point out the error in their behavior in a kind way.
- Tell them how to do better in the future.
- Praise them for positive behavior.
For example, a friend makes a comment claiming all gay men are obsessed with interior design.
Step 1: Point out the error in their behavior (kindly):
“Hey there, I wanted to gently push back on the generalization about all gay men loving interior design. While true for some, painting everyone with the same brush can be harmful. The LGBTQ+ community is diverse, and individuals within it have a wide range of passions and expressions.”
Step 2: Tell them how to do better in the future (encouragingly):
“Celebrate the unique interests of each person. That way, you can appreciate the spectrum of interests within the LGBTQ+ community.”
Step 3: Praise them for positive behavior:
“I appreciate you listening, and I hope you stay curious about how everyone is unique.”
Use your platform to speak out against LGBTQ+ injustice
Wherever you have a following, use your voice to amplify LGBTQ+ voices and stories. Speaking out against LGBTQ+ injustice is a great way to challenge LGBTQ+ stereotypes and prejudice.
Amplifying LGBTQ+ voices provides authentic representation and diverse narratives. Share stories, celebrate achievements, and promote their diverse perspectives.
Seeing themselves reflected in media, politics, and everyday life empowers LGBTQ+ individuals and challenges harmful stereotypes. Much research supports the positive impact of diversity for everyone. For example, organizations and teams that value diversity perform better.
Create a safe space for LGBTQ+ individuals
Make your workplace and social circle safe spaces where all identities are respected and celebrated. In a safe space, people can express themselves authentically without fear of judgment or discrimination. Establish clear boundaries against hate speech, microaggressions, and harassment or bullying.
Start Now Being a Supportive LGBTQ+ Ally
I hope these tips for how to be a good LGBTQ+ ally provide you with concrete everyday actions for LGBTQ+ allyship in your community.
LGBTQ+ Awareness and Education for Allies
Here is a guide to LGBTQ+ awareness and education for allies. Use it to broaden your knowledge of LGBTQ+ activism topics and learn more about how to be a good LGBTQ+ ally.
Educate Yourself
Websites
It’s Pronounced Metrosexual. This website contains many good resources, such as:
- Dos and Don’ts When Someone Comes Out to You
- How to respond when someone uses non-inclusive (or bigoted) language
- The Genderbread Person is an infographic to guide understanding gender identity, expression, and attraction.
The Safe Zone Project. A resource for LGBTQ+ education and ally training workshops.
Transwhat? Education for trans* allies.
Books
Stonewall by Martin Duberman: This historical account delves into the events surrounding the Stonewall Riots, a pivotal moment in the fight for LGBTQ+ rights.
Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender: This young adult novel tells the story of a transgender teen navigating the challenges of coming out and finding acceptance.
How We Fight for Our Lives by Saeed Jones: A collection of personal essays exploring the intersections of race, sexuality, and activism in America.
Transgender History by Susan Stryker provides a broad understanding of transgender experiences and activism throughout history.
A Guide to Gender: The Social Justice Advocate’s Handbook by Sam Killerman provides a clear and concise overview of gender identity and expression.
Magazines
The Advocate is a news magazine with articles, opinion pieces, and podcasts on current events and activism.
Out Magazine covers news, entertainment, and culture, focusing on activism and social justice.
Documentaries
Paris is Burning (1990) documents the New York City Black and Latinx LGBTQ+ community scene in the late 80s.
Disclosure (2020) explores the portrayal of transgender people in film and television.
A Place at the Table (2013) follows US LGBTQ+ families fighting for marriage equality.
The Lavender Scare (2017) examines the persecution of LGBTQ+ people in the US government during the Cold War.
PFLAG: A Place to Call Home (2020) explores the history and impact of PFLAG, an organization supporting families and allies of LGBTQ+ people.
Podcasts
Making Gay History explores the history of the LGBTQ+ civil rights movement.
In TransLash, transgender activist and writer Imara Jones focuses on the transgender community.
Find Your Community
Local Groups
At the beginning of this post, I wrote, “Being an ally is critical to helping the LGBTQ+ community. Of course, it is more than marvelous Pride Days.” That is true, but you should definitely attend Pride events. Support the cause, enjoy music, food, and goods from LGBTQ+ vendors, and enjoy people’s joy in being who they are.
Use online directories like the Equality Federation or the National Center for Lesbian Rights to find local LGBTQ+ organizations near you.
Social media groups such as Facebook offer opportunities for connection.
National Advocacy Groups
Ready to advocate? National advocacy groups are LGBTQ+ awareness and education for allies resources to connect with:
Human Rights Campaign works for LGBTQ+ equality through lobbying, advocacy, and public education.
GLAAD is a media monitoring organization working to ensure fair, accurate, and inclusive representation of LGBTQ+ people.
National Center for Transgender Equality works to create a society where transgender people thrive.
PFLAG offers support and resources for friends, families, and allies of LGBTQ+ people.
The Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ+ youth.
LGBTQ+ Awareness and Education for Allies: Intersectionality and Activism
The fight for LGBTQ+ rights intersects with other social justice movements.
LGBTQ+ Rights and Black Lives Matter
Both Black communities and transgender individuals, particularly Black transgender women, face disproportionate rates of police brutality and systemic discrimination. Recognizing this overlap, many LGBTQ+ activists have rallied in support of Black Lives Matter, advocating for police reform and racial justice. Organizations like the Black Trans Caucus and the Transgender Law Center work at the intersection of these movements, providing support and legal resources for Black transgender individuals and fighting against discriminatory policies and practices.
Immigration Rights and LGBTQ+ Asylum Seekers
LGBTQ+ individuals fleeing persecution based on their sexual orientation or gender identity often face obstacles in the asylum system. Examples are discriminatory attitudes from officials, lack of access to culturally competent resources, and difficulties in proving their claims of persecution.
LGBTQ+ rights groups like the National Center for Transgender Equality and immigration rights organizations like the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) support asylum seekers, provide legal representation, and advocate for fairer asylum policies that recognize the specific risks faced by LGBTQ+ individuals.
Disability Rights and LGBTQ+ Accessibility
The disability rights and LGBTQ+ movements strive for accessibility and inclusion, ensuring everyone can participate fully in society regardless of their abilities or identities. This includes advocating for physical accessibility, dismantling discriminatory attitudes, and promoting inclusive language and representation.
Groups like the National Disability Rights Network and GLAAD work together to address issues like healthcare access, employment discrimination, and representation in media and education.
Use these LGBTQ+ awareness and education for allies resources to better understand the interconnectedness of these movements.
Your Journey as an Ally
Use this LGBTQ+ awareness and education for allies and find your place in the Pride movement. Whether you choose deep engagement or mobilization in support of LGBTQ+ rights, you can make a difference.
